Her vagina should come with caution tape.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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