2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
