I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Slut skills are useful in every country.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
