My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
