phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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