I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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