Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
That's intense
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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