you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
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