she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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