I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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