the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
