You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
