Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
