Sponge bath it is.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
