I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
