I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
