You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
