I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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