so that wasnt chicken after all
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
