Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
