put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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