I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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