My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Randomize
