there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Threesome in a minivan. New low
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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