i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
The adults are the big ones right?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
