I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
They took my balls.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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