Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Randomize
