i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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