peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
