my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
