I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
My ass is underappreciated
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
