I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
