I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
