all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
