hell yes lets make some ravioli
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
