Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
