My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
