what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
