Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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