evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
