Only a mothe r could love this liver
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
