Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
whose parrot is this?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
