I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Enjoy the penises
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
