He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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