I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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