My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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