you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
