It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
