it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
