she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
