The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
