I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
