I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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