He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
