haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
