she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
