he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Randomize
