Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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