The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
