Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
