I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
