Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
