This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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