His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
