i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
