i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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