could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
